A list member wrote: I'm not pushing "a" religion, but I am suggesting that those who are alone and lost (after exiting a relationship with someone who has the disorder), could potentially find support in some church.
Jason wrote: I agree completely.
Recovering and healing are never simply a matter of patching up the body or just going to therapy. I think there has to be some healing for the spirit/soul/essence as well. Even ignoring the religious nature of churches, one can potentially find at least a place to simply meet people. One doesn't even have to have a particular belief system, or necessarily share the particular doctrine of the place one is visiting, as long as the institution has an "all are welcome" policy.
Sure, there's always the risk of a fire-and-brimstone sermon or the tendency to nod off during doctrinal readings. But there's also, generally speaking, uplifting music and in some traditions an exchanging of the peace, where total strangers will turn, smile, and reach out to shake your hand. And having a complete stranger say to you "peace" with a smile on his/her face can be a very soothing balm for those who are still a little battle fatigued and traumatized from the chaos and abuse involved in being in a relationship with someone who has the disorder.
If one church/temple/etc. doesn't 'fit', luckily, there are many others out there to offer a warm welcome. And if the whole system turns you off, you might choose some function or group meeting on the weekends. You might choose to join a book club, or take dancing lessons; you may choose to join a hiking club or some other group in which you have an interest.
You can choose to go to the mall and hang out like a 14-year old. You might learn to play an instrument, attend free concerts, volunteer at the local school or library, give Habitat for Humanity a call, etc. You could serve as a Big Brother or Big Sister, or become a Literacy Program volunteer. Personal growth and healing requires getting off the couch, checking your accumulated emotional baggage at the door for a few hours, and rebuilding your spirit, one experience at a time.
Or, if you find, after exploring some of the above, that your spirit needs a bit more work still, you might consider getting radical and experimenting. You could choose to take your children, nieces, nephews or even your grandkids to see their favorite punk band. You can choose to catch a ballgame live; or go to a student art show. If you're a baby-boomer, buy your first rap album; if you're a Gen-Xer, you can choose to pick up some Dylan at the local record shop.
If you still have a few pesky spiritual Devils leftover from Oz, to borrow a line from the band Motley Crue, sometimes you just have to "Shout at the Devil."
If all else fails, do what us Southerners have been doing for centuries (and no doubt the Native American walking wounded before us) - grab a pole, pick up some night-crawlers, and hit the nearest secluded riverbank. There you can fish in peace (well if you bring mosquito repellant) until the sun goes down.
Getting both feet firmly planted in Kansas, IMHO, is a more than a metaphysical journey, more than a metaphor, and so much more than simply an escape. Its a three-pronged conquest - mind, body, and spirit - to reclaim what was lost in Oz.
You Can do it. We believe in you.
Blessings and Peace,
Jason (Host, BPD411)
Editor's Note: I couldn't agree more. Also, be somewhat cautious in your selection of a congregation to associate with. In the state that we NonBPs find ourselves (particularly after separation from our significant others) we are very susceptible to the techniques used by some cults. In addition, religion in general tends to be a rather black and white world (heaven, hell, etc.) and the controlling nature of some ministries actually attracts borderlines to "the calling". The last thing you need is to jump into a "deep" relationship with a borderline pastor. My suggestion therefore would be to associate with an established congregation of a large established religion, and initially work with members of the congregation rather than the leading priests. The last thing you need in recovering from Oz is 'Heaven's Gate'. -Kelly