BPD411 - Understanding the Disorder

Understanding the Disorder

Sometimes it helps us to understand our relationship with the BP in our lives by understanding their world a little bit. A person with Borderline Personality Disorder (or traits of this disorder) lives in a world filled with emotional instability, creating chaos in their personal lives and relationships. The BP may harbor unrealistic expectations of the ‘Non’ in their life. These result from the BP’s severe fears of abandonment, chronic feelings of emptiness, lack of sense of self, etc. The BP may attempt to deal with their own conflicting emotions by exerting excessive control, unfounded jealousy, inappropriate anger (raging), and, often, physical violence.

These behaviors put an enormous amount of pressure on the Non. Non’s are compassionate, deeply caring and highly committed to relationships. They often believe that with enough love and caring, the ‘problems’ in the relationship will soon disappear. The Non may believe the BP’s distorted view of reality. They may be brainwashed into believing that all the problems in the relationship are the Non’s fault, that if they (the Non) could just get it right’ that the relationship would

prosper.

The Non often find themselves isolated from family and friends as they strive to meet the endless black hole of need that is at the center of the BP’s sense of self. Constantly judged and condemned by the BP in their lives, they begin to lose their own sense of “self” and begin to question their own sanity, taking on the BP’s distorted perceptions, accusations and beliefs about themselves as being ‘real’. This is known as ‘taking a trip to Oz’.

Discovering that this craziness has a name often creates a ‘Light Bulb Effect’ for Nons searching for answers. Much of their BPD related experiences suddenly makes sense, in the context of the disorder and it’s behaviors. Finding others who have experienced the same patterns and trauma in their BP relationships can be a lifeline of hope. The sense of being completely alone disappears and the Non begins to find and reclaim those parts of themselves that they’ve lost as a result of their

relationship with the BP. Those who have been afraid to speak out about the abuse (emotional, physical and other wise) in their relationship discover that there are those who will understand and be supportive, rather than react with disbelief and condemnation. Others, who have begun to believe that it is too late to change their situation, find that there are very real answers and resources to help them make safer and healthier choices.

Please keep posting and asking questions. There is hope for our healing and recovery.

Respectfully

Deedee

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Disclaimer: The information on this site (http://www.bpd411.org) is based on personal experiences of the authors and members of our e-mail mailing list. It is NOT meant to replace professional advice or take the place of counseling, therapy or additional personal research.