Or Why No One Believes the Non You are a Non. You know it. You are pretty dang sure that those traits describe someone in your life. But everyone believes that your significant other is just the sweetest, most wonderful dedicated person in the world. When you describe the raging, they don’t or can’t believe it. You are the victim of a high functioning borderline with situational competence.
How can this happen? How is it that a person can be so out of control in some situations, and have everyone else snowed in other situations? To understand this, you have to understand the roots of BPD. Borderline disorders are driven by fear and shame. Fear of abandonment is a primary motivator in the BP way of thinking. In a close relationship such as a marriage, they are driven by fear of abandonment. No such fear may affect them at church, work or other situations. Since the fear of abandonment is what drives them to crazy making behaviors, they only have the behaviors in the context of the situation that creates the fear.
Many high functioning people with borderline traits actually do function as normal productive members of society. In their homes, where they are afraid that people know the "real me" they have factors of shame involved as well. The shame cycle gets more deeply entrenched, causing further shame each time the borderline rages or acts out in some other fashion.
People in relationships with low functioning borderlines get more support from those around them because it is more clear that the person has a serious problem. Those in relationships with high functioning borderlines are sometimes the lonliest of people, because they are alone in their deepest misery. If they decide to separate, the borderline arranges for them to look like the crazy one. The distortion campaign begins.
You aren’t alone in fighting situational competence. Many Nons, especially those needing the support of online groups, live with high functioning borderlines, and are often misunderstood in their circle of friends and acquaintances. Just knowing that others are facing the same thing helps lots. You are not alone.
Related pages: Diagnosing, NEC.
BPD411 Home - Services - Resources - Partners - Contact Us - Mailing List
Disclaimer: The information on this site (http://www.bpd411.org) is based on personal experiences of the authors and members of our e-mail mailing list. It is NOT meant to replace professional advice or take the place of counseling, therapy or additional personal research.
Copyright (c) 1996-2003 Turtle Island Center Family Services [1996] Incorporated More