Safety Planning

Being Prepared for the Worst While Hoping for the Best If you feel as if you are in danger right now, stop reading and immediately call 911.

One of the most important things you can do if you choose to stay (even temporarily) with your BPSO is to create a Safety Plan. A Safety Plan is the equivalent of a Fire Safety plan for getting everyone out of the house. The difference is that rather than a fire, this Safety Plan is executed upon a bad rage on the part of your BPSO.

If you are planning on leaving (or even just thinking about leaving) the relationship soon, this escalates the danger of being in the house significantly. Your partner’s abandonment issues will come up as soon as he/she realizes or "feels" that you might be leaving. In these cases, violence can occur, even if it hasn’t in the past. It is very important therefore to be prepared. We have had list members in this situation involved with SWAT teams, this can be very serious. Many of these people never anticipated that such a violent episode could happen, you don’t always get a steady escalation. Take action even if this seems totally unnecessary to you.

Safety plans are not gender specific. Men as well as women need to create a workable Safety Plan. Violence can erupt without warning, so being prepared during a time of relative peace is the only way to assure your safety.

Just as washing your car will bring the rains, getting your safety plan together may decrease the chance that you’ll have to use it. It’s insurance on your continued well being.

For more help, you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

See below for international numbers

While Living With an Abuser

Stay out of rooms with no exit
Avoid rooms that may have weapons
Select a code word that alerts friends and children to call police
Leave suitcase and checklist items with a friend
Seek Competent Legal Advice as soon as possible
Obtain an Order of Protection (called a Restraining Order in some places)
Change locks on ALL doors and windows immediately
Insert a peephole in the door and ALWAYS look through it BEFORE you open the door
Change telephone number, screen calls, and block Caller ID
Install/Increase outside lighting, or get motion detector lights that ring an alarm inside the house
Consider getting a dog (retired police dogs can often be obtained)
Inform landlord or neighbor of situation and ask that the police be called if abuser is seen around the house
Have friends check in with you on a regular basis
Develop code words to use to have a friend or neighbor call the police (suggestion: "Gee, the weather looks stormy")
If you have a security system, change the passwords immediately
Change any shared passwords for ATM cards, for computer or email access, or any other thing that is password protected
Once you have obtained an Order of Protection or Restraining Order, make copies and keep them with you at all times
Tell your employer
Give security at work a photo of abuser and Order of Protection
Screen your calls
Have an escort to your car or bus
Vary your route home
Consider a cell phone for your car
Carry a noisemaker or personal alarm
Plan and rehearse an escape route with your children
If it is safe, teach them a code word to call 911, and how to use a public telephone
Let a neighbor know what is happening and make arrangements for your child to go there in an emergency
Let school personnel know to whom children can be released
Ask the school to notify you immediately if your children are not in school and you’ve not informed them that they are absent with reason
Give school personnel a photo of abuser
Warn school personnel NOT to divulge your address and phone number
Give copies of the Order of Protection to schools, daycare, and babysitters
Prepare an Emergency Kit

An Emergency Kit should contain at a minimum, the following:

Driver’s Licence (copy)
Children’s Birth Certificates
Your Birth Certificate
Marriage License
Copies of any custody papers from previous relationships
Social Security Card
Welfare Identification
Medical Insurance Cards
Copies of necessary telephone numbers
Banking information such as bank account numbers and extra checks
Money
Credit Card - Preferably one that is not jointly controlled by the abuser
ATM Card
Savings Books
Checkbook
Lease, Rental Agreement, or Deed to House/Properties
Car Registration & Insurance Papers
Health and Life Insurance Papers
Medical Records for You and Your Children
School and Shot Records
Work Permits/Green Card or Visa
Passport
Divorce Papers
Custody Papers
Extra set of Keys to House, Car, and Safety Deposit Boxes
Medications for You and Your Children
Small Objects to Sell
Jewelry
Address Book
Phone Card
Pictures of You, Children, and Your Abuser
Children’s Small Toys
Toiletries/Diapers
Clothing - at least one change of clothing for each person
Leave the Emergency Kit with a friend or neighbor that you can trust

Further Steps to Take

Open a savings account in your own name.
Get your own post office box so you can receive mail and checks
Plan who to stay with or who would be able to lend you money during a crisis
Contact the hotline or any shelter for help in safety planning and keep the hotline number with you at all times
Know where the emergency shelter is

BPD411 would like to acknowledge the Maricopa Association of Governments and Community Partners for contributing to the information provided above.

International numbers include:

Kriisipuhelin (Crisis line)

0600-9-2929 (0600 works in the whole country).

Auttava puhelin elämän kriisitilanteissa (Help line for crises in your life).

2,20 mk/min+pvm (2.20 marks/min + local call).----

Suomen mielenterveys-seuran kriisipuhelin (Finnish mental health association crisis line)

0203-445-566 (should work for whole country).

Joka päivä alkaen klo 15.00 (Every day after 15:00).

ppm (Local call).

----

They speak Finnish and (probably) Swedish, and hopefully English too.

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Disclaimer: The information on this site (http://www.bpd411.org) is based on personal experiences of the authors and members of our e-mail mailing list. It is NOT meant to replace professional advice or take the place of counseling, therapy or additional personal research.