Near and dear to my heart, which I often refer to, are the Rules of Stuff. I take no credit for them, they were given to me by someone who had completed her healing path out of Oz:
There is your stuff, and the stuff of others.
There is a need to separate your stuff from the stuff of others.
Your self image is your stuff.
What others (including but not only the BP in your life) think of you is their stuff.
What you feel about the relationship and it's impact on you is your stuff.
What others think about it is their stuff.
What you remember as reality is your stuff.
What others remember about reality is their stuff.
| Your stuff | Their stuff | ||
| Your need for health | Their mental problems | ||
| Your reality | Their reality | ||
| Your path to healing | Their responsibility to become healthy |
We all need to separate our stuff from the stuff of others. That way, we focus on our healing, our health, our problems and do not get distracted by the problems of others. That is their responsibility, and their stuff. To paraphrase Scott, we need to find out why we are attracted to this wack job instead of obsessing over the wack job.
Remember, William Shakespeare said: "This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." If we want to be our own authentic person, then we must be true to our stuff/self.
Martha.