Parenting a child, whether biological or adopted, who has traits of Borderline Personality Disorder or has been diagnosed with the disorder itself, can be a frightening journey into chaos, pain and confusion.
Feelings of blame, responsibility, shame, anger, frustration are all part of a healing journey, and all part of the chaos that surrounds caring about someone who has the disorder. Those with the disorder are experts (even as teens and young adults) at blaming their problems and issues on everyone but themselves, and doing such a great job that many others (family, friends, social workers) are often fooled into blaming you, the parent, for the problems.
It is NOT your fault. You did not cause the disorder. You cannot control the disorder. You cannot cure the disorder. You can take charge of your own life, create healthy boundaries and enforce them with your child, thus helping them begin a healing journey of their own, if they wish. If they do not wish, and choose other wise, IT IS, STILL, NOT YOUR FAULT.
At www.BPD411.org we recognize that our primary On Line support group, bpd411intro@yahoogroups.com has as it's focus and most vocal contributors, those who are in a relationship with an adult who has the disorder or it's traits. There is a lot to learn on this list, and the support can be very validating to all.
We started a new On Line support group in December 2003 specifically for folks who are parenting a child who has the disorder or it's traits. This may be a young teenager, or it may be an now adult child. While all teenagers at one time or another display traits of BPD, it's called being a teenager, this group is for parents of seriously troubled young people.
To join, go to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ParentsofBorderlines/ and click 'join group' or simply send an email with subscribe in the subject line to ParentsOfBorderlines@yahoogroups.com You will be asked to provide a little bit of information to the Moderators before you can post or read the list. This information will be kept strictly confidential, but is necessary to maintain the safety of the community and also avoid spam.
This is a new group and may take some time to get up and running, so please be patient with us. And remember, a self help group is just that. Self help. The more you contribute, the more you will receive back.
We recommend that you read the pages at www.bpd411.org and get the book Stop Walking on Eggshells, Taking Back Your Life When Someone You Love Has Borderline Personality Disorder (available at www.amazon.com)
The first step, in our experience, is to learn about Boundaries. Here are some places to start.
Respectfully,
Deedee
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Disclaimer: The information on this site (http://www.bpd411.org) is based on personal experiences of the authors and members of our e-mail mailing list. It is NOT meant to replace professional advice or take the place of counseling, therapy or additional personal research.
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