Oz

The Frank Baum books and the movie the Wizard of Oz are classics of children’s literature. What in the heck does it have to do with BPD?

As a metaphor, the Wizard of Oz is a fantastic way to understand the dynamics that exist between the Non and their borderline significant other (BPSO). You, the Non, are Dorothy. You spend some of your time in "Kansas", the real world. You spend some of your time in "Oz", the place of "borderline reality".

The tornado transported Dorothy from Kansas to Oz. The tornado is the raging or crazy-making behavior of the person with borderline traits in your life. To get back to Kansas, Dorothy clicked her heels together three times saying, "there’s no place like home". Like Dorothy, Nons have the ability all along to get back to Kansas. Sometimes, like Dorothy, you just don’t know how to do it.

Along Dorothy’s journey through Oz, she met characters that can serve to remind you of things you will need to survive your journey.

The lion needed courage. You as a Non need the courage to enforce boundaries with your BPSO. You need courage to stand up for your version of reality. You need courage to protect your children. The lion had courage all along, but it just needed to be pointed out to him. You have the courage you need to do the things you need to do as well.

The scarecrow thought he needed a brain. But in actuality he always had one. You have a brain as well, you just need to learn how to use it in ways that are appropriate to the situation of living with someone with borderline traits. Studying the disorder can help you understand the rules of "Oz". The key of course, is to have confidence in yourself.

The tin man thought he needed a heart. As a Non, you already have heart enough to carry you through. But what you may lack is the ability or willingness to love yourself. The sages have stated through the ages that we should "love others like ourselves". This is a true statement, but in the case of the typical Non, the problem is that we don’t love ourselves very well. Until you learn to love yourself, you aren’t going to be very effective at loving anyone else including your significant other.

The poppy fields represent the numbing effect thact living with borderline personality disorder can create in your feelings. You can make no progress until you get out of the poppies and start to experience all of your own emotions. Learn to listen to and respect your own feelings. Don’t stuff them down inside saying, "it’s ok" when it really isn’t ok.

The emerald city represents the end of the trip for Dorothy. Each of us has an emerald city in our futures, it is different for each and every Non. It may mean ending the relationship with your significant other. It may mean learning to care for yourself better. It will definitely mean learning to set appropriate boundaries. Only you can decide where your emerald city is and what it looks like. It is out there waiting for you. It is never too late to enjoy the rest of your life.

Just watch out for those dangnable flying monkeys along the way...

-Kelly

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Disclaimer: The information on this site (http://www.bpd411.org) is based on personal experiences of the authors and members of our e-mail mailing list. It is NOT meant to replace professional advice or take the place of counseling, therapy or additional personal research.