A question posed by a member:If getting healthy by setting boundaries with uBPmom and detaching from her is a good thing, why do I feel so hellishly guilty?
Deedee replies:
Good question sister friend!
Partly it's due to the way those with the disorder (BPD) interact with others: by manipulating them by any means possible so that the Non (that's us, folks), do what they want/wish us to do. Guilt is a big hammer to hit us with emotionally, and most likely has worked very well.
Partly it's because we've been taught at such a basic level that we aren't worth anything good. Hard work to change that core belief, it can be done though!
Partly it's because everything we do carries a price tag. Healing and becoming healthier is no different. And the currency of YOUR choice, in this situation, is guilt. Only you can change that. What a concept, huh?
Everyone ready for something new? Something better? Something that can feel great? Let's all try this. Of course, you can decide you wish to keep guilt, that is your choice. But for those who are ready for something else:
I encourage you to pack up all that guilt, and the feelings associated with it, whatever they may be, and pack it up in a very pretty package. Put ribbons and party paper all around it.
Then toss it into the Sun, or a deep pit, whatever works for you!
Notice how all those creep crawly feelings scattered about your body fade and disappear?
Then offer some thoughts or prayers (whichever fits for you), of appreciation for what Guilt has taught you, and ask it to go and find someone else who needs help learning those lessons now.
You've learned what you need to, and are ready for something new.
Now, for the important part...(you thought that was the important part, right?)... What would you like to have in place of the guilt? You can choose what that might be. Peace? Calm? A sense of relief? All of these? Others?
Now, take some deep breaths...in through the nose, and out through the mouth...allow your feelings of choice (and yes, you can have more than one feeling at once, that's part of the beauty of Kansas), to enter all the parts of your body that were carrying that guilt. Let them take up residence there. Give them permission to stay there! And let your mind/body know that you deserve good things and good feelings.
There is a tendency to 'go to what we know' when we've survived trauma and abuse. So let's be really clear with ourselves that we want something different, something that works better, ok?
Repeat as needed for any overwhelming feelings/emotions/thoughts/ as often as required.