Are you a Non?

While it is sometimes initially difficult to determine if you are in a relationship with someone with BPD traits, it is often less difficult to determine if you yourself are a NonBP. At least you know how honest you can be with yourself. This assessment will help you to determine the degree of health in your half of the relationship. Try to answer the questions to the best of your ability as they describe YOURSELF. If you don't understand a question, you don't have to answer it.

This diagnostic test was not developed over years of heavy duty research. Don't take the results too seriously. They are based upon our own experiences, and your mileage may vary. It's also important to remember that just because you are a Non, doesn't mean the person you think has BPD does, there may be someone else in your life's history that had traits of the disorder.

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1. I need to be needed.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


2. My desire to make others happy is greater than my desire for personal happiness.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


3. I look after myself first, so I can help others better.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


4. My desire to make others happy is greater than my desire for personal happiness.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


5. I pride myself in my ability to be flexible.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


6. We have a feeling we have to do better and that our best is never quite good enough (perfectionism).

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


7. I work on my own issues first.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


8. We have an inability to focus on ourselves and a tendency to be too easily led into focusing (unhealthily) on others including our significant other with BP traits. (It's easier to think about other people's problems than my own)

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


9. I have a really thick skin.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


10. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around my significant other.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


11. When I see the slightest hint of improvement in my significant other, it gives me great hope.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


12. I would never leave my significant other, even for a short vacation, it would drive them over the edge.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


13. I love stories where the hero makes a great sacrifice.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


14. I don't mind so much when things go wrong. It's ok when they do sometimes, that's life.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


15. Other people couldn't put up with what I deal with.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


16. Every now and again, I take a nice hot bath to relax.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


17. I am intensely committed to relationships.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


18. I think couples should spend most of their free time with each other, not persuing individual interests.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


19. I feel confidant that I know what's best.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


20. I hate myself sometimes.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


21. I remain hopeful that someday I can have a fulfilling relationship with my significant other.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


22. I'm never good enough for my significant other.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


23. Criticism brings out the best in me.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


24. I'm too nice a person ever to do anything that might hurt my significant other's feelings.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


25. I don't think I'm good enough much of the time.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


26. I think marriage should be for life, always.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


27. I'm not sure who the real me is anymore.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


28. I know deep down inside that my love isn't enough to fix my significant other.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


29. I don't mind taking time for myself.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


30. Without giving service to others, life is not worthwhile.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


31. I will stand up for my rights when I feel I've been cheated

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


32. I am an extremely loyal employee.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


33. Sometimes I feel like I need permission to have a feeling.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


34. I sometimes lack confidence to make my own decisions.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


35. I hate it when other people make a scene in public.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


36. I often feel numb inside.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


37. I decide which restaurant to eat at about half the time.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


38. I am deeply hurt when someone criticizes me.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


39. Sometimes I feel like a deer caugth in the headlights, unable to move/decide when I know I should.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


40. I often make decisions based upon my gut instinct.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


41. I am in touch with my own feelings most of the time.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


42. I make decisions quickly, but sometimes regret it.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


43. People sometimes comment that I'm a martyr.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


44. I feel happy a lot

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


45. I consider myself a team player.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


46. I am a very cooperative person.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


47. I am slow and methodical and logical in my decision making processes.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


48. I'm proud of my patience.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


49. I feel an inner peace much of the time.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


50. Sometimes, I pretend I don't hear my significant other.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


51. When I get angry, I get really angry.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


52. I frequently delegate when I can't handle everything.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


53. Someday I'll be happy, maybe.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


54. I feel trapped in this relationship.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


55. Sometimes I zone out when my sigificant other goes on a tirade about something, but I can stll parrot back the last thing they said to prove I'm listening.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


56. I feel sad when I see other people fail or suffer.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


57. I am a natrual matchmaker.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


58. I enjoy helping others with their problems.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


59. I often feel responsibility for co-workers and friends.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


60. Sometimes I help others so much that my own work falls behind.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


61. I trust other's opinions of me more than my own, because others are more objective

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


62. My significant other says I'm irresponsible.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


63. I would do most anything to win the approval of those close to me.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


64. I spend a lot of time thinking abuot how good things used to be, and wish they would be that way again.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


65. I would go to great lengths to get positive feedback.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


66. I never, ever, ever give up.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


67. I am very conscientious.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


68. I'm very careful around my significant other to do things their way.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


69. No matter how hard I try, my significant other eventually finds some small reason to get angry.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


70. I keep trying, even though my significant other doesn't recognize it.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


71. I am a very forgiving person.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


72. I can hold a grudge.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


73. I believe in unconditional love.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


74. If my significant other would just believe in me, we could be happy together.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


75. If I don't care for my significant other, who will?

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


76. I believe in happily ever after, at least for some people.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


77. I believe in love at first sight.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


78. Sometimes I worry that my significant other will leave.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


79. There have been times that I've prayed for death (either my own, or for my significant other).

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


80. This town isn't big enough for the two of us.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


81. I believe in the concept of a soul mate.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


82. I've done nothing that makes me deserving of a better relationship.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


83. I feel the need to justify everything I do to my significant other.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


84. I wonder if other people are really happy.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


85. Sometimes I lie to my significant other just to avoid a confrontation.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


86. I enjoy a good argument.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


87. I deserve something better in life than this.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


88. I like working on my own problems.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


89. I'll draw a line in the sand, and when my significant other crosses it, I back off.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


90. I'm nothing if I'm not in a relationship.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


91. I don't like being alone.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


92. I see myself as part of something larger than just me.

Strongly Agree Somewhat Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree


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Disclaimer: The information on this site (http://www.bpd411.org) is based on personal experiences of the authors and members of our e-mail mailing list. It is NOT meant to replace professional advice or take the place of counseling, therapy or additional personal research.

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