Negative Intentions

Or I Didn’t Mean it That Way It’s amazing how consistant people with BP traits are about assuming a negative intention, and twisting things in a negative way. When a negative intention is presumed, even the most positive actions can be viewed as a personal affront or insult.

For example, one Non had saved the last cookie (of a very special type) for his borderline wife who had made it. When she asked him why he had saved it, he replied, "because I know how special they are for you, and I know that you enjoy them more than I do." This was immediately reflected back through the BP filter as, "Oh, so what you are saying is that you don’t like my cookies or any of my cooking!" Of course, at that point, the conversation was over, and nobody enjoyed the cookie.

When a negative intention is assumed, you can do nothing right. No matter what you do is twisted around and made into something with an underlying evil intention. The important thing to understand about negative intentions is that they are a projection from the mind of the borderline. Once you get that, then the way that they take things negatively teaches you something about how the borderline is thinking.

In the above example, the lesson for the Non is that the borderline would not share something she liked with the Non, even if she knew the Non liked it better than she did. That she would put her own needs above that of the Non and that she couldn’t imagine the Non doing anything different than she would.

Knowing that a negative intention is generally assumed by the BP frees you. It frees you from carefully considering every word that comes out of your mouth. It frees you from walking on eggshells about your every thought. It frees you from trying to figure out how they are going to twist things, because you know that they will, no matter what. When the time comes to switch from positive to negative, from white to black, there is nothing you the Non can do to prevent it. So stop killing yourself trying to figure out what triggers it. Learn to live with the switching, or take a geographical solution.

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Disclaimer: The information on this site (http://www.bpd411.org) is based on personal experiences of the authors and members of our e-mail mailing list. It is NOT meant to replace professional advice or take the place of counseling, therapy or additional personal research.