Do BPs know that their perception of reality is not shared by others? Does this mean they are lying or being dishonest? To be truthful, I am not entirely sure.
One BP I knew is a practicing family therapist who seemed to restructure his memory of events based upon his own ‘blame filter.’ It was as if he actually ‘rewrote’ his reality and his memories to fit his perceptions.
This BP was quite delusional at times about what had been said or what had happened. He would put a ‘spin’ on what had been said or, taking a piece of one event, attach another event that was completely fabricated and then rearrange the whole past to suit his present position!
One of the criteria for diagnosing a delusion is, can it be altered by facts or new information? Most of us have feelings that are a result of our past experiences. For instance, if we are attending a funeral, we will experience feelings of sadness and grief. For the BP, however, the reverse is true. If they are feeling something, such as that they are being controlled, then they reason that there must be someone controlling them! And, of course, it’s always the Non!
In this context I do not think that they are aware that they are lying. In my fifteen years of professional experience as a counselor/therapist I’ve come to believe that those with BPD truly do believe their version of reality. To make things more confusing, no matter what the "facts" are, or what other people’s memories of these events are, the BP seems to only be able to accept their own version. They simply refuse to accept that other people’s perceptions and experiences have any validity because they believe that only their perceptions matter!
It has also been my experience that many BPs get some kind of ‘high’ from the power they hold by denying others’ perceptions of reality. Believing that their perceptions of reality are the only ones with any value or validity, as their disease progresses, they seem to need increasing levels of violation, power and control over others to get the same high.
Respectfully,
Deedee
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