Another Common Non Behavior As part of the "Walking on Eggshells" that many Nons participate in when in a relationship with a BP, it seems that lying to avoid a blowup is a common behavior. This can fall into several categories, and is not healthy in any of these categories.
The first category is lies to yourself. For example, "If I would only just learn to.... then everything would be ok in our relationship." Or telling friends, "She’ll be ok, just humor her this once." There are hundreds of lies in this category that should be eliminated from our experience. A Non needs to be brutally honest with himself. Others can see when we aren’t being honest with ourselves sometimes before we can. This is one reason that therapy, or at least a good friend to talk to is so important.
The second category is lies to your significant other... For example, telling them that something is done even when you haven’t started because you know that it will make them mad to find out you haven’t done it yet, then running off and doing it quickly with the hopes of not getting caught. Or, lying about being at work, when you just needed a break to spend time with your friends.
Healthy relationships do not require lies between partners. While you cannot control the health of the relationship from the other side, you are completely in control of the relationship from your side. Tell the truth. Let the chips fall where they may. Don’t be hurtful or spiteful in doing this, and set and maintain boundaries about how the truth is accepted. Discuss with your significant other that you want to tell the truth, but if in so doing it produces raging behaviors that you will be forced to take a geographical solution. The answer is to put limits on acceptable behavior, not to continue patterns of lying.
This being said, most Nons are basically honest people that want to tell the truth. However, they feel trapped in the dynamic of being with someone with borderline traits, and feel that they have no other rational choice but to lie.
Go here for more common characteristics of Nons.
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