Due to the high stress of dealing with this disorder, and the damage that is done to those around them by this disorder, Nons may be very fragile at specific times during their recovery. This is especially true during the interval when they are just finding out about borderline personality disorder. It is also true at times when Nons have reached major decision points like when they have decided to leave a partner, or have renewed their commitment to make the relationship work.
The disorder challenges the reality of those in the family unit. The chaos created for family, friends and children often leaves Nons feeling like they have gone to the land of Oz, and nothing makes sense. When they first hear about the disorder, many experience the "Light Bulb Effect", realizing that ’they are NOT alone’. They are not alone. They are not crazy.
During this initial transition time of learning to make sense of their reality and how it’s been impacted by the disorder, conversations and situations that might seem innocent and innocuous to others not effected by the disorder, MAY cause considerable distress, discomfort, fear and triggering of the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. It’s hard to stay out of Oz and anchored in the reality unrelated to BPD at this time in a NonBP’s journey.
Sometimes Nons pick up behaviors from their BP partners (BP Fleas). These can include an inappropriate display of anger, judging, splitting, condemning, black and white thinking, and self destructive and self defeating behaviors. When these Fleas spill out on other List members, chaos can ensue. except for the intervention from the moderators of this community.
The Internet has evolved from it’s beginning into rough and tumble place. People flame each other mercilessly in ways that they would never consider in face to face relationships.
Please remember that words have power. Power to hurt, and power to heal. Power to create learning and healing, and power to create distance, pain and more pain. Please remember that the person on the other end of your e-mail message is a Human Being, and is deserving of consideration and respect. NonBPs in this community may also be very fragile due to the stresses of the disorder and it’s impact on their lives. This community cannot afford to be rough and tumble. We need to support and nurture each other with a high degree of sensitivity.
We ask that you treat others as you would prefer to be treated, that is, with Respect, and Kindness, and co-operation, sharing your experiences in ways that may be helpful to others. No life experience is a waste if we learn from it, learn to make healthier choices, learn to treat ourselves and others in a good way.
Because of the inherent dangers in dealing with people you don’t know online, it is advisable in both email and chat situations to be selective about who you let know your real location, name and other personal information. Look into getting an anonymous email address, and be cautious. Nons have occasionally been hurt by extending more trust than is healthy in an online situation.
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Disclaimer: The information on this site (http://www.bpd411.org) is based on personal experiences of the authors and members of our e-mail mailing list. It is NOT meant to replace professional advice or take the place of counseling, therapy or additional personal research.
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