Nons live for years in a world of unexplained chaos. The experience of discovering borderline personality disorder, and of figuring out the motivations behind the seemingly random chaos in the life of their BPSO changes the Non’s perspective and understanding in a profound way. This is called the "light bulb" effect. It is like the old cartoons where the little light bulb over the character’s head finally turns on. All of a sudden it ALL makes sense.
The initial light bulb effect is experienced by most Nons when they read the DSM criteria, and the correlating description of typical BP behaviors.
In joining our community, and discussing your life in our chat rooms and e-mail lists, you gain further insight as further lights turn on.
This doesn’t mean that the BP in your life suddenly becomes predictable. However, it does mean that they are more predictable in their unpredictability. Perhaps most importantly, it also means that YOU aren’t insane. Having found BPD411, it also means that you aren’t alone. There are others who have tread the ground you are treading now. In observing the lives of those who are further ahead in their recovery from the effects of BPD, you can gain further help.
I’m sure Thomas Alva Edison did not have BPD in mind when he invented the light bulb. However, the phrase which has developed from that has definitely served its purpose. The light bulb effect denotes for the NonBP, the time when they realize and find out that the actions of the bpd in their lives can be identified by this illness, and that there are many other nons who have and are going through the same troubled paths as themselves.
This realization that the person they are involved with has an actual illness, and that there are others around who are going through the very same difficulties finally brings the non out of the darkness of feeling alone and into the light of treatment and fellowship. For me, I knew my bpd spouse had a problem. The characteristic and personality changes were beginning to be too abrupt and unfounded. I began searching. Looking for an answer. Feeling alone in a quest to find out what was wrong and what "I" needed to do to correct it. After three months of searching the library, internet and various calls to mental institutions I came across BPD. Everything fit.....one light came on. The more I searched, the more I found others who were or had been living with a significant other with BPD. All the stories seemed familiar, we could have each written each other’s lives with BPD. The second light went on.
Now I realized the problem and that I wasn’t alone. The lights were finally on and everyone was home. But that wasn’t all the lights to come on. Over the next few months many lights would come on, as I would try to figure out the illness and its consequences. Some lights were good, some were not so good, but I realized all the lights would have to be lit before I would be able to come to an understanding and course of action. Just being able to talk to others who were going through or been through the same thing helped. Each added another piece to the BPD puzzle. Turning on one light at a time. For me, the other lights involved the realization that there was nothing I could do. The piecing together the how and why she was the way she was. And the final piece of looking down the road to what was to come and its consequences.
For me the realization or light coming on, that I had to protect my children from what was happening and what was to happen was the last light to come on. For those of you reading this for the first time, and having the first of many light bulbs come on, remember that many more will come on through the course of your development of understanding of the situation you are in. And for those who have gotten out of the situation, many many more light bulbs will come on as you find yourself again. And as with finding out about BPD, when you start finding out about yourself, some of the lights will not be happy ones. But remember they must all come on for you to finally get peace again in your life. If you choose to stay with your BPD other, then this is where you need to be for continual support from others that are staying and those that didn’t but have a view that you might not. If you chose to leave, then here is where you need to be to get the support to find yourself again, and be the strong person who attracted your BPD other in the first place. Remember, with every good bye, we learn.
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Disclaimer: The information on this site (http://www.bpd411.org) is based on personal experiences of the authors and members of our e-mail mailing list. It is NOT meant to replace professional advice or take the place of counseling, therapy or additional personal research.
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