Do They Mean It?

Hi, glad you found us.

> does he mean all of those horrible, hateful, demeaning things he says to me when he’s raging - does he remember that he used to love me very much - does he still love me?

It’s part of the pattern of the disorder we call borderline personality disorder.

>My mind and my spirit are so broken, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to find myself again.

BPD does a lot of damage to the people around it, partners, family, children and friends. You can heal, can choose to recover. YOU can decide what helps you. A lot of us have been where you are. Perhaps others on the list can share what helped them?

>He told me tonight that all of his family and friends think I must be abusing drugs because I am so nervous and twitchy all of the time. He said it just proves that there is something seriously wrong with me, for everyone else to think it. He then said that he was also beginning to seriously consider that I might be using drugs because I am so messed up and what everyone was saying about me must be true.

The usual pattern is that what they say about YOU is what they are really saying about themselves. It is not about YOU, it is about THEM. That’s how this disorder works.

Have you read Stop Walking on Eggshells? It’s available at many bookstores and on-line. I highly recommend that you get it and read it. It helps explain so many things and gives you a place to begin to reclaim yourself from all the damage being in a marriage to someone with bpd can do.

> Please, someone tell me, how can someone be so intentionally and uunremorsefully cruel. How he can stand there and watch the hurt and heartbreak and the crying and continue to inflict so much pain on someone who so obviously loves them so very much. How can I continue to love him this much.

The disorder affects his thinking and his perceptions. If he is feeling abandoned, he will do his best to do the things that get you to be close and loving. When he feels too close-engulfment-, he does things that create distance. It’s a crazy making cycle. Please, get the book, read it. Stay in touch with us.

Maybe I am crazy.

You are not crazy. You are dealing with a crazy making disorder. You are a sane person dealing with an insane disorder. It has a name. Borderline personality disorder.

respectfully

Deedee

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Disclaimer: The information on this site (http://www.bpd411.org) is based on personal experiences of the authors and members of our e-mail mailing list. It is NOT meant to replace professional advice or take the place of counseling, therapy or additional personal research.