BPD411 - The Doghouse

The Doghouse

We often say that we are "in the doghouse" with our borderline significant others when they are upset with us. While they can and often do make our lives miserable, in the ultimate sense, we are in a doghouse of our own manufacture and maintenance. If we choose not to set appropriate boundaries, and allow ourselves to be in the doghouse, that belongs to us, not to our significant others. As you look around at the doghouse you have constructed for yourself, ask yourself if this is the home you really want to live in. Determine what you could do to improve the doghouse... after all, as a wise man once said... "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman." (I would add "or man" to be complete and politically correct.)

Even if you are a committed stayer, you can tear down the doghouse. The way to do it is simply to detach, and stop caring what the disease is saying about you. It isn’t your significant other that is causing this problem, it’s the disease... and while you can’t really totally separate them, you can use this as a method of detaching from the things they say about you. Understand that the disease may think you are inept, that you are incapable of love (can you spell "PROJECTION"), or that you are not worth the bullet it would take to remove you from this miserable earth, it isn’t true. Once you stop buying into what the disease thinks about you, you are on the road to rebuilding your own self esteem. Maintaining your self esteem is critical to being a successful stayer.

So, do you like being in the doghouse? If not, you are entirely free to leave it, as it only exists in your own mind.

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Disclaimer: The information on this site (http://www.bpd411.org) is based on personal experiences of the authors and members of our e-mail mailing list. It is NOT meant to replace professional advice or take the place of counseling, therapy or additional personal research.