Couples Counseling

The question of whether or not couples counseling is a useful approach when one partner has BPD is one that comes up quite often on our mailing list. The answer most often given is that couples counseling gives yet another forum for the person with BPD to verbally abuse the partner who does not have BPD. A much more effective approach is to choose a counselor who has experience in dealing with BPD, and with marriage therapy. Then attend counseling separately for some time, and when the counselor believes it might be useful, you can begin to have sessions jointly. You would want to continue individual sessions at this time as well. This would imply that both the BP and the Non were getting better to the point that such counseling would then be useful. Understand that this may take years, or might not happen at all.

Since most people with borderline traits believe that they don’t have a problem, it can be difficult to get them to attend therapy individually. Occasionally, insistance upon attending therapy individually can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back for a relationship. Be sure that if you use counseling as an ultimatum, that you will be happy no matter what your significant other’s response.

The most important thing to recognize as a Non is that counseling for yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself. You have probably been in an abusive relationship, even though you may not recognize it early on. You need the validation of a therapist who can assure you that you are sane, and that your partner is the one with the biggest issues. In addition, as with most people, Nons have issues that they should deal with in therapy. You might evaluate abuse, boundaries and self worth as a beginning point in therapy if you can’t think of anything more specific to work on.

BPD411 Home - Services - Resources - Partners - Contact Us - Mailing List

Disclaimer: The information on this site (http://www.bpd411.org) is based on personal experiences of the authors and members of our e-mail mailing list. It is NOT meant to replace professional advice or take the place of counseling, therapy or additional personal research.