All of these books are available at www.amazon.com unless otherwise noted. Just search for the isbn number. Most are also available at www.barnesandnoble.com.
by Paul T. Mason, M.S. and Randi Kreger
ISBN: 157224108X
For a synopsis of this book, see http://www.newharbinger.com/WalkEgg.htm
Considered the "bible" of NonBPD by many, this was the first book to directly address the issues family members and other significant others faced when living with someone with traits of borderline personality disorder. There are no other books even now that address the issues of NonBPs as broadly as SWOE.
by William A. Eddy
ISBN: Unassigned at this point see http://www.bpdcentral.com for ordering information.
Review: One of the most perplexing and painful things a person can go through is divorcing someone with traits of
a personality disorder. In the context of court William Eddy astutely (albeit somewhat impersonally) labels
these personalities "Persuasive Blamers." While many people divorcing a persuasive blamer may not believe they
will experience the distortions alluded to in Eddy's book, most of them will to one extent or another. The fear
of abandonment (in the case of borderlines) or fear of loss of personal esteem (in the case of narcissists)
frequently causes people with personality disorders to sink to new and previously unfathomable lows.
Fortunately, those lucky enough to have read Mr. Eddy's book will be intellectually unsurprised (although it's
still emotionally devastating) by these moves and will be more likely to respond in a resourceful manner.
The other important reason to read this book is to understand the limitations and methods of the court system
which itself has traits of several personality disorders (don't courts think in black and white?). The courts
are shockingly ill prepared to deal with personality disorders despite the fact that the majority of divorce
cases that actually go to trial involve a party with traits of at least one personality disorder. 'Splitting'
informs you that it's your job, not that of the court system, to persuasively present the truth, and it gives
many excellent suggestions for doing so. Buy this book early, before separating if possible. In fact, if you are
married to someone with traits of a personality disorder and are not even contemplating divorce, you should
purchase and read this book for no other reason than it will give you incentive to start a detailed journal, and
that's worth the price of this book all by itself. After all, many divorces are filed with no warning by the
person with the traits of the disorder.
For a quick preview of some of the ideas in Eddy's book, plus a few of our own, see our page on
Persuasive Blamers.
by Randi Kreger and Kim A. Williams, et al.
ISBN: None (available only here)
REVIEW: Love and Loathing is required reading for anyone going through a divorce, or contemplating a divorce. It is essential if you have children. You should also consider contacting the author about a set of three CDs that review some of this material. If you can buy only one book on divorcing a borderline though, I would have to suggest William Eddy's book, even though both are quite valuable and cost much less than half an hour with an attorney. Love and Loathing goes into proper self care during the divorce process than Splitting, and is therefore still separately valuable.
by Anthony Walker (Author) our review
(ordered Alphabetically by Author)
All of these books have been recommended by at least one member of the mailing list.
by Robert J. Ackerman
ISBN: 1558740406
Xavier Amador
ISBN: 0967718902
Reviewed at: http://www.VidaPress.com
Al Anon
ISBN: 0910034737
While a book focused on living with Alchoholics, it’s message is useful to Nons.
by M. Beatty
ISBN: 0894864025
Jan Black, Greg Enns
ISBN: 1572241071
John E. Bradshaw
ISBN: 1558744274
John E. Bradshaw
ISBN: 0932194869
ISBN: 1558740430 (Audio Tape)
Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock
ISBN: 0415923581
by Steven Farmer
ISBN: 0345363884
Patricia Evans
ISBN: 1558505822
Beverly Engle
ISBN: 0449906442
Dr. Arthur Freeman
ISBN: 0060973358
Dr. Susan Forward
ISBN: 0553284347
Dr. Susan Forward
ISBN: 0060928972
Elan Golomb
ISBN: 0688140718
ISBN: 0553260057 (Paperback) ISBN: 1567310001 (Hardback)
Howard Halpern
Stephen M. Johnson
ISBN: 0393700011
by Stephen M. Johnson
ISBN: 0393701719
Stephen M. Johnson
ISBN: 0393700372
This is an advanced book primarily for therapists, and should not be one of the first books you read as a Non.
Donald Kalsched
ISBN: 0415123291 (available at www.barnesandnoble.com)
Daphne Rose Kingma
ISBN: 1573241776
Mira Kirshenbaum
ISBN: 0452275350
by Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D., Hal Straus, Jerold J. Kriesman
ISBN: 0380713055
This book is almost fifteen years old now, but remains a classic on borderline personality disorder. Not as easy to read as SWOE, it is still a top notch book for describing BPD. It has very little information directed at NonBPs and surviving being a Non, but it is helpful in knowing what the disease is about.
Christine Ann Lawson, PhD
ISBN: 0765702886
This is a book for NonBPs who are children of a borderline mother. A very good book for that group. It might also be a good book for a step mother married into a situation where the step kid’s mom has borderline traits.
Joy and Gary Lundberg
ISBN: 0670884855
Aphrodite Matsakis
ISBN: 1572241012
Pia Mellody
ISBN: 0062506048
Richard A. Moskovitz
ISBN: 0878339361
REVIEW: When Dr. Moskovitz was writing Lost in the Mirror, he was primarily dealing with more severely ill patients with BPD and his book was written primarily for the benefit of that population.
Lost in the Mirror is a good book for Nons that are dealing with a low functioning borderline. In my opinion, if you are dealing with a high functioning borderline, this book isn’t terribly helpful. It goes into a lot of detail about hospitalization and the purpose of such, cutting, patients that lose large chunks (hours) of time completely, and other low functioning behaviors. It talks about a three to five year recovery cycle, where recovery is apparently defined as no longer needing hospitalization and not cutting, etc. Most of the people visiting this web site are dealing with high functioning BPs. There is a chapter in the end for family members, that provides a little information, but good information as far as it goes. Even this chapter was a superb effort in 1996 considering that SWOE hadn’t been published at that time, and this was the best printed information available at the time.
There is also a chapter for therapists, which is unique in lay books to my knowledge. The Non in the book models fairly poor behavior, not setting proper boundaries and basically is viewed as "background." Even the therapist in the ongoing story of Sara at one point makes a nearly fatal mistake.
The basic premise of the book is that borderlines cannot put together a coherent view of the past, as it is fragmented. While this may provide a reasonable framework for brining a low functioning borderline out of their mist, it doesn’t provide a lot of helpful information for the Non in a relationship with a high functioning borderline.
Wayne Muller
ISBN: 0671797840
Dan Neuharth
ISBN: 0060929324
Scott Peck, M.D.
ISBN: 0684848597
by Don Miguel Ruiz
ISBN: 1878424319
Joseph Santoro Ph.D.
ISBN: 1572240806
Brenda Schaeffer, Phd
ISBN: 1568381409
ISBN: 1568383207
Judith R. Smith
Judith R. Smith
ISBN: 1568385803
For after the first 100 days.
Nathan Schwartz-Salant
ISBN: 0933029314
John Welwood
ISBN: 0060927429
John Welwood
ISBN: 0060927976
by Ken Wilber
ISBN: 0394742028
Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko
ISBN: 0452272041
This is a great book that goes through several "life traps" that keep us from getting the things that we want. Several of the life traps are common among Nons, and the book is very good about concrete ways of facing these traps and getting out of them. It’s especially good at helping one avoid lightning striking twice.
Nina W. Brown
ISBN: 1572242310
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Disclaimer: The information on this site (http://www.bpd411.org) is based on personal experiences of the authors and members of our e-mail mailing list. It is NOT meant to replace professional advice or take the place of counseling, therapy or additional personal research.
Copyright (c) 1996-2003 Turtle Island Center Family Services [1996] Incorporated More
Neil R. Bockian
Read our Review. Briefly, if you are a parent of a borderline child, the book may be useful to you, otherwise, I'd avoid it or at least read it very carefully.